![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
for some peace
for some space
for some reality
to stay in the clouds
to stay in control
to stay forever
to be stronger
to be faster
to be smarter
to be colder
to be unbreakable
to feel like it was the truth
to feel real
to feel scerene
I'm apparently more frail than I had assumed. Something's missing again...
So I'm very disappointed with the con.
The preshow contest was completely rigged. Granted, Sins O' The Flesh had an absolutely AMAZING preshow, they broke the rules and should have been disqualified. Let me make myself clear (and yes I am 100% sure they broke the rules timing them during the show itself when they re-did the preshow which started at 12:01:43 am and lasted until 12:14 at least.)
"All routines must be under 10 minutes, relatively simple to set up and break down, and generally not obscene or involving nudity (we do give obscenity a pretty wide berth... this is fucking Rocky Horror after all :) Also, keep in mind that if your "special routine" is just you standing there lip-syncing to a show tune, I'm just going to tell you that you suck and send you on your way. Please don't waste our time." posted on the Rocky Con 2008 myspace blog on September 19, 2008.
And no I'm not being biased just because we didn't win. If their preshow had been under 10 minutes like everyone else's I would have been honored to lose to them, however, you just can't break the rules.
"We will be showcasing preshows along with our Video Competition on Saturday September 27th; however, the Preshow Competition is a separate opportunity to win fame, glory, and stuff from the Larry's closet fabulous prizes. Every cast is invited to create a live performance, lasting no longer than ten minutes. Remember, the ten-minute rule is a maximum, not a goal. Shorter performances are often more entertaining. " - Rocky Con myspace blog June 26, 2008
Other than that I had a good time (other than a few other disasters but that's not related to the con directly so it has no relevance) Casting for the movie (yes I'm talking RHPS) was equally unfair. FRIDAY NITE SPECAILS IS THE "OTHER" NEW JERSEY CAST!!! I'm sorry we don't weigh 115 pounds each and we're not 100% screen acurate. However, after the performance Eddie gave (and those of you who went saw with your own eyes) we can at least say we give a shit if the audience is entertained. There was 0 enthusiasm and honestly he looked like he'd rather be somewhere else. It was embarrassing and from the people I talked to when I went out for a cigarette, I wasn't the only one unhappy. Eddie's AND Columbia's are PISSED! Columbia looked fine during HP but Eddie just could care less.
Let's see... what else what else. I really felt like this wasn't a Rocky Con. I really felt like this was a Home of Happiness/Sins O' The Flesh Con. I would've like to see more diversity in the casting A LOT more. Even if it wasn't our cast. All the performers looked amazing, of course. No problem with looking good. And from what I saw they all wanted to be there and they all looked happy as hell to be on that stage except the one already mentioned. I would've loved to see the performers come down from the stage as well maybe a few more Trixies or something but all in all it looked good.
Looking good is fine and all but what about the audience? I really think that some people have lost what being a Rocky Horror cast is all about... THE AUDIENCE, KEEPING THE MOVIE ALIVE AND HAVING FUN!!! Costume contests are great because they're a great way to reward the people that have the time, money and energy to create kick ass costumes. However not all of us are lucky to have time, money and energy to create the most screen acurate costumes known to the community. Does that make us less of a cast? Hell fuckin' no. Just because we don't look as pretty as the next cast doesn't mean we don't pour our hearts and souls into our show.
I really felt cheated. As the "other" New Jersey cast I felt like the fuckheads of the Rocky Horror community. I thought the RHPS community was supposed to be like a big family? Well I guess we are with a douche-bag for an uncle. We need to come together as a communtiy, audience and cast alike. We're all here for the same reasons aren't we? OK well for most of the same reasons. We love this movie (even though it makes little sense and is terrible we love it just the same) and we as casts have a passion for performing.
Things need to change.
- Mood:
disappointed
You've seen me grow up in my writing and get bitter. You've seen me sweet and sour. You've seen my pure bliss and utter hell.
A lot has changed in those 5 years. I've grown up, moved out, recycled friends, trashed friends, trashed myself, ruined myself, fixed myself and lost it all. Some things never change of course, but sometimes change is all we can do.
You've seen my love, you've seen my rage. When I look back at you, sometimes I laugh because of the ridiculous shit I used to write. While most of it was true, some of it was lies I believed to be truth until a later date.
Sweet livejournal, there's just so much history inside. You've captured the most important times in my life. The times that would alter my life for better or worse. You've captured the good, the bad, the ugly and the horribly embarrassing. I look back and some of the entries and giggle and blush because of how embarrassing I am to myself. And sometimes, I look back at some entries, and cry. I cry because I can remember the pain I was going through and the hurt I can still feel.
Oh sweet livejournal, you've always been there for me. <3
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Three Days Grace - Wake Up
SOOOO much has happened. Let's see, got my monroe pierced, cut and dyed my hair (again) and got a tattoo... and that was all in a 24 hour period just a little more than a week ago. (I have pictures up on my myspace. They're scattered a bit but they're up there.)
The cast has been ultra busy.
We're in Manville on Saturday's now as well as every Friday in Aberdeen still. Next week is the last week you can find us there until August. We'll be in Manville once a month (but Aberdeen will still be every week) Once I get dates they'll be up on the myspace and such.
Aberdeen has been going amazingly well recently too. Preshow this past Friday was the BEST EVER!!! I was so happy to be a part of it. It was awesome.
Ok I'm too tired to think right now. Once I get a chance and what not I'll post some more.
- Location:Home sweet home
- Mood:
crazy
Well sorta. New job, probably mentioned that already. Things have been busy with work.
Ryan and I... well he's being an ass. Eh, we'll get past it eventually. Communication problems as always.
The show has been going GREAT! I mean it's been absolutely amazing. It's stressful of course but hey it comes with the territory. I'm over that. I can handle it.
We're in Manville too now! In addition to our regular shows in Aberdeen (do you really think we'd forget you guys? I think not) For the next 3 Saturday nights we'll be performing in Manville (check out the FNS myspace blog for more information) We'll still be doing our regular shows in Aberdeen every Friday night but if you don't get enough Rocky into your system one of these weeks come see us in Manville!
I'm extremely excited about these Manville shows. The theater is amazing. Bill is a great guy. He's super nice and that's awesome.
Karma is a sexy vixen when you treat her right I guess, isn't she?
The cast is in a prosperous time and I honestly couldn't be happier for us. I'm so proud of all the hard work we put into this show every week. Rocky Horror has come a long way and I'm glad to be a part of it.
- Location:Home
- Mood: excited
Not really too much going on. I got a sewing machine so I've spent most of my time doing things that involve sewing, like shopping for thread/fabric, getting patterns, and working on some projects. So far I've finished an apron and a skirt. I just finished the skirt tonight. A few minor errors with it but I used it for more of a learning experience than anything. It doesn't look so bad though. I posted a picture of it on my myspace. I like the colors lol.
Other than that I've been doing a lot of thinking about my past. Not regretting things, just thinking. I came across something I haven't seen in years (well a copy of something that was given to me years ago) and it really affected me. Not in a bad way. Just an odd way. It made me keep thinking about how much trouble I had got in all in the name of love. I know I ALWAYS manage to talk about it but it was just such a big part of my life and I can't help but think about it. That time in history decided which path I was heading down. Whether I'd end up where I am now, or somewhere completely different and possibly much worse. It's strange to think what a big impact one person can have on your life. Oddly enough, it can happen more than once too and more than one person can affect you.
Somehow I stumbled into Ryan's life and we made a life together. Not a very exciting life, but a life. And I'm happy. I really am. I may not sound it sometimes or seem it. Everyone has their good days and bad. It's just that this is my second real true love. The first is always the most powerful, most painful, and the most memorable. It's just sad to have doubts about it. I'm not sure what to believe but I don't want to believe that it was a lie or that any of my sacrifices were for nothing. I just hope that I'm not the reason for the path choosen after, for the disbelief in happiness and love.
I don't know. After all this time, I still feel... unsure of a lot of things. Back then, Christ, I had an answer for everything and I swore I knew how everyone felt and that I knew everything that was going on. I wish I had kept everything. But rage does funny things. Rage makes you lose more of yourself than you can possibly know. And so does depression. I lost a lot of myself to depression and damaged a lot of people. I hurt some good people and I hurt some people that deserved to be hurt even though it may not have been my place to hurt them. I don't regret it. Not one bit. It was all part of my grieving cycle. And if I need to grieve again, then I suggest staying out of my way. That path heads straight toward self destruction and then back again. Sometimes it just takes a little longer than normal.
I'm sorry about the rant. I just really feel the need to let it out. Poor Sara, she's probably going to get an earful tomorrow and possibly some tears. I'm not sure if they'll be happy or sad tears... maybe they'll just be tears.
Anyway, I'm still alive.
- Location:home
- Mood:
confused
I'm tired of defending myself against everyone. I'm tired of the rumors. I don't care what you have to say. I'm done with it and I have been for a while. If you can't deal with people talking about you, then stop listening. Stop dwelling on every word they say because 9 times out of 10, it's a lie. I don't trust people. I haven't in quite some time now. There's not one good person left in the world because everyone's only interested in number 1. Can't blame them. How are we supposed to get ahead in life if we're not stepping on everyone else to get there? I'll admit I've done it. But I believe in karma and trust me, it does come back to bite you in the ass.
Maybe I'm just kidding myself. Maybe this is all one big joke and I'm the only one that's not laughing. Either way things need to change. I'm tired of being there for people if they really need me and then having my name thrown back in my face. Yes I've made mistakes. I'm human, what more do you want from me? Can you look in the mirror and honestly say your life has been full of perfection? We've all made stupid decisions and done things that when we look back we realize how we really should've done things differently. I don't want to be known for my past mistakes. I want to be known for who I am now. Sure I'm still going to make mistakes, I'm still young. If you're going to judge me then let it be for something other than what you've heard. How about talking to me? Find out who I really am. And believe whatever you want to believe. I really don't think the truth exsists anymore. I guess the truth is what we believe. I'm not sure anymore. Doesn't matter, I'm tired of typing this...
- Mood:
blah
"your head in your hands and this is my cue,
if three words could heal you i would only speak two,
your eyelids grow heavy and this is my cue,
If three words could heal you i'd only speak two"
I don't know. Seems right I guess or maybe not. Whatever.
Wait, this works:
"Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person,
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment.
And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have...
I'll never have... I'll never...
Standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in...
standing so close knowing that it kills me to breathe you in...
But this table for one has become bearable.
I now take comfort in this, and for this, I cherish you.
Did you ever look, did you ever see that one person
and the subtle way that they do these things and it hurts so much?
So much like choking down the embers of a great blaze.
It's that moment when your eyes seem to spread aspersions
and to scream confessions at the insipid sky parting clouds.
And you let this one person come down...come down...I cherish you...I cherish you.
Just say that you would do the same for me...
just say you would do the same for me...
just say you would do the same...
just say you would do the same, for me
For as much as I love Autumn,
I'm giving myself to Ashes."
- Mood: depressed
- Music:Cherry Kiss/Short Stories with Tragic Endings - FATA
- Location:with the best damn guy ever lol home
- Mood: loved
- Music:Dethklok - switchin between Go Forth and Die and Thunderhorse
My body hates me right now. I ate a whole meal today for the first time in a few days. I think it's the stress from the holidays and shit but everytime I try to eat something I get really nauseous and I can't finish it. I've been shaking uncontrollably and getting really cold. I don't know... it happens every few years.
My heads a mess right now. I've got so many things I'm not sure how to express. Every new year I'm like this. I've got my best friends back. It's odd. It's like nothing ever really changed. There's only one difference this time around, I'm not with him. We're better off as friends. I'd just end up hurting him again. I have a talent for that. Things tend to blow up in my face all the time and everyone around me gets hurt. The problem with that is I have a big mouth and I don't think before I do anything. I jump before I even take a glance. I've always been like that though and it's always gotten me into a lot of trouble. Maybe if I learn to keep my mouth shut, I'll be ok. I don't think that's going to happen though. ... phone... It's been going off for practically 2 weeks straight. Maybe more. I haven't been this popular since I was a Freshman in high school. *sigh* I'm so exhausted.
I can't think right now.
- Location:home
- Mood: exhausted
- Music:No Doubt
Band's name - Faker (comic)
Album Name - Mustansiriya University
Track list
1.KATZ-FM
2. List of Tallest Structures in Hungary
3. Bertolome Zorzi
4. The Pact
5. Horaglanis krishnai
6. Dion Glover
7. Colbert it
8. Barrington, Nova Scotia (community)
9. World Police and Fire Games
10. When the Tide Breaks
11. Collebeato
12. Les Alleux
13. George Sherrill
14. Tiv
15. Russell Cunningham (Canadian politician)
Ok bed now...
P.S. Totally stolen but it's great. I already forgot who I stole it from... I'm sorry, I just have a terrible memory/attention span at 4:30 in the morning.
It goes like this though:
1. Go to Wikipedia Main page
2. Random article - first one is your "band name"
3. Random article again - this is your "album name"
4. Random article x 15 for your track list
There's going to be quite a few people that aren't going to like it but ya know what....
FUCK 'EM
To old times! Cheers!
Ok I think I'm gonna go take a nap now.
- Mood: exhausted
- Location:home sweet home
- Mood: loved
Ryan's very upset and I don't blame him. I'm sad myself. She had a long life... longer than most mice from what I've heard. This December she would have been 2 years old. I'm grateful for having her.
- Mood: sad
